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Vote:   | And because it hurt so bad, it made it harder for me to think about going back. |
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Vote: | And I want everything perfect. And that was the hard part for me. |
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Vote: | And I was, like, oh my gosh. I really did it. You know, I didn't go home. You know, I've run away. And I panicked from that moment on. I panicked. |
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Vote: | And it was during that time that I knew that I was going to - I needed help and I was going to have to absolutely get help. I couldn't fight these battles anymore by myself. |
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Vote: | And quite frankly, I didn't want to face them. I didn't want to. I was so ashamed. I just wanted to run away again, you know. If I could've gotten away, I probably would have. |
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Vote: | And that I will no longer be the runaway bride. |
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Vote: | Because we are older and we couldn't decide where to draw the line. |
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Vote: | But at the same time, it's the best mistake I ever made. It allowed me to realize that I desperately needed help. And that was what I did. And that's what I'm getting now. |
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Vote: | But obviously, I was stressed, because I am a perfectionist. |
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Vote: | But, you know, what I'm going to say to those people is it's not their fault. I wouldn't have come to you under any circumstances. No matter what. |
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Vote: | For whatever crazy reasons, it just seemed like it would be safe for me to be on a bus. |
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Vote: | Honestly, I wish I could give you and everybody else that answer. Because I know that they want to hear that. And they deserve to hear that. But I honestly, I don't know. |
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Vote: | I didn't think about what it would do to other people. |
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Vote: | I didn't want to be found. |
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Vote: | I didn't want to see anybody. I asked my parents not to allow even my brother to come in and see me. I really shut down. |
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Vote: | I don't want to give myself to John until I feel like I'm the right person for him. And right now, I don't. |
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Vote: | I dreamed of, I mean, if you want to know the truth, my mom has said this. She thinks that I was put on this earth to be a mom. |
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Vote: | I got very overwhelmed. And very caught up in the social scene. |
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Vote: | I grew up in an honest home. We went to church. We had our faith. |
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Vote: | I had a bottle of pills. Or I had the bus ticket. And I decided not to play God that day. And decided when it was time for me to go. |
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Vote: | I had taken a few little snacks with me, just some little candy bars and things. |
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Vote: | I have got to first of all, learn to be happy with myself so that I can have confidence that others will be happy with me. And that's a work in progress. |
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Vote: | I hope that people, will allow me to learn who I truly am. |
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Vote: | I just sat in the window seat by myself. And I just stared out the window. |
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Vote: | I know everybody wants this great answer to that but it wasn't one certain thing. Or I-- there was one moment when I said I cannot do this. I don't want to do this anymore. |
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Vote: | I mean it I knew that I had hurt them. So I just pushed it down, you know, tried not to think about it. And I know that sounds so harsh. |
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Vote: | I more or less just shut down. I went back to my parents' house, went down into the basement, and stayed there. |
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Vote: | I started off pre-med with biology. But then I didn't finish that. |
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Vote: | I think I was that person growing up that everybody thought would be the first one to get married and have children, and, you know, the white picket fence. |
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Vote: | I think that it just sort of clicked with me and it clicked with them that I wasn't telling the truth. |
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Vote: | I think that's something else-- I never had to steal. |
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Vote: | I thought, there's going to be this manhunt out there for these people, and you know there's going to be this people that are wrongly accused because of me, and I felt horrible about that. |
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Vote: | I used to kid around, joke around, and tell everybody that they better check my bags before I leave to make sure I didn't have any of the babies with me. |
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Vote: | I was running away. Because that's what I've always done. That's what's comfortable to me. |
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Vote: | I was simply running away from myself and certain fears controlling my life. |
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Vote: | I was very, very scared. I think those first several hours, I didn't sleep. |
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Vote: | I was, like, oh, I'll go to Austin, Texas. It just seemed like it wasn't out of reach. |
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Vote: | I wasn't about to admit that I needed help. |
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Vote: | I wasn't feeling pressure from everyone. |
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Vote: | I'm very lucky I have wonderful friends and a wonderful family. |
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Vote: | Just seemed like I could hide out better on a bus. |
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Vote: | Maybe it was a cry for help. But no one was listening. |
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Vote: | My parents, fortunately, were able to provide for me and my brother. |
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Vote: | People that have grown up with me and that have just come into my life as an adult know that I have always dreamed of that fairy tale wedding. |
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Vote: | Running away had nothing to do with cold feet, nor anything to do with leaving John. |
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Vote: | So I hope that as I go through this healing process and start to learn more about myself, accept myself, love myself for who I am, then everybody else will, too. |
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Vote: | That night, in that moment, it really became a life or death decision for me. |
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Vote: | This is the most important day, thus far, of my life. And I wanted everybody that I loved and was a part of my life to be there and witness it. |
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Vote: | To me, in my mind, it meant admitting that I wasn't perfect. |