ActionScript-ToolBox: by Rodney Dangerfield

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Rodney Dangerfield (Biography)

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Author's popularity: 6
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Popularity: 5 Vote:	A girl phoned me the other day and said... Come on over, there's nobody home. I went over. Nobody was home.
Popularity: 2 Vote:	Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask. Each time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself.
Popularity: 1 Vote:	At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can't.
Popularity: 4 Vote:	I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.
Popularity: 0 Vote:	I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
Popularity: 4 Vote:	I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
Popularity: 7 Vote:	I found there was only one way to look thin, hang out with fat people.
Popularity: 3 Vote:	I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
Popularity: 0 Vote:	I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.
Popularity: 4 Vote:	I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
Popularity: 2 Vote:	I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
Popularity: 5 Vote:	I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
Popularity: 7 Vote:	I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.
Popularity: 4 Vote:	I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette.
Popularity: 7 Vote:	I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
Popularity: 4 Vote:	I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
Popularity: 2 Vote:	I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.
Popularity: 4 Vote:	I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.
Popularity: 5 Vote:	I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
Popularity: 3 Vote:	I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
Popularity: 4 Vote:	I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
Popularity: 3 Vote:	I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
Popularity: 6 Vote:	I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
Popularity: 3 Vote:	I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or going.
Popularity: 5 Vote:	If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.
Popularity: 5 Vote:	It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.
Popularity: 1 Vote:	Life is just a bowl of pits.
Popularity: 3 Vote:	Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.
Popularity: 2 Vote:	Most of the arguments to which I am party fall somewhat short of being impressive, knowing to the fact that neither I nor my opponent knows what we are talking about.
Popularity: 3 Vote:	My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
Popularity: 1 Vote:	My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
Popularity: 3 Vote:	My kids scotch tape worms to the sidewalk and watch the birds get hernias.
Popularity: 3 Vote:	My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
Popularity: 5 Vote:	My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
Popularity: 4 Vote:	My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
Popularity: 5 Vote:	My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
Popularity: 3 Vote:	My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
Popularity: 2 Vote:	My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met!
Popularity: 5 Vote:	My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
Popularity: 5 Vote:	My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
Popularity: 9 Vote:	My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.
Popularity: 7 Vote:	My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light.
Popularity: 4 Vote:	My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
Popularity: 6 Vote:	On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
Popularity: 2 Vote:	One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.
Popularity: 7 Vote:	Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
Popularity: 9 Vote:	The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
Popularity: 4 Vote:	They change the sheets every day... from one bed to another.
Popularity: 4 Vote:	This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
Popularity: 5 Vote:	We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
Popularity: 6 Vote:	What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
Popularity: 9 Vote:	What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
Popularity: 6 Vote:	When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
Popularity: 2 Vote:	When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
Popularity: 5 Vote:	With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we'll never see each other!
Popularity: 3 Vote:	With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
Popularity: 4 Vote:	Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'

Biography

Rodney Dangerfield (November 22, 1921 – October 5, 2004), born Jacob Cohen, was an American comedian and actor, best known for the line "I don't get no respect" and his monologues on that theme.

Early life and career

He was born in Babylon, Long Island, USA, the son of vaudevillian Phil Roy (Philip Cohen). As a teenager, he got his start writing jokes for standup comics; he became one himself at 19, and struggled financially for nine years under the name Jack Roy before giving up show business to support his wife.

He returned to stand-up in the early 1960s; to give his career a fresh start, he changed his name to Rodney Dangerfield. The movie The Godfather inspired his trademark line about the lack of respect he received. Headlining performances in Las Vegas and dozens of performances on The Ed Sullivan Show and The Dean Martin Show kept him in the public eye. Dangerfield made 70 appearances on The Tonight Show. Dangerfield also made an appearance on The Simpsons as Mr. Burns' son, Larry. Larry Burns was modeled after Dangerfield, including his tie tug.

Wanting to remain near his children after his divorce from their mother, he became the owner of a Manhattan nightclub in 1969; the nightclub, "Dangerfield's", was the venue for an HBO show and helped popularize many stand-up comics, including Jerry Seinfeld, Jim Carrey, Tim Allen, Roseanne Barr, Jeff Foxworthy, Sam Kinison, Rita Rudner, and Bob Saget.

Dangerfield's career peaked during the early 1980s, with his appearance in Caddyshack and the release of his Grammy Award-winning comedy album No Respect. He played an abusive father in Natural Born Killers in a scene where he wrote his own lines.

In 1994, Dangerfield won an American Comedy Award for lifetime creative achievement. He was also recognized by the Smithsonian Institution, which put one of his trademark white shirts and red ties on display.

In 1995, his application for membership in the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences was rejected. At the time, Dangerfield commented on how then-president of AMPAS, Roddy McDowall, who acted in a monkey suit in the Planet of the Apes series of films, possibly felt that Dangerfield wasn't dignified enough to join the organization. AMPAS would later change their decision and offer membership, an offer he declined.

The confusion of Dangerfield's stage persona with his real-life personality was a conception that he long resented. Described by his wife as "classy, gentlemanly, sensitive and intelligent" (http://www.rollingstone.com/news/story/_/id/6054693/rodneydangerfield?pageid=rs.Artistcage&pageregion=triple3&rnd=1096316510181&has-player=true), people who met the comedian nonetheless treated him as the belligerent loser whose character he adopted in performance.

In 2004, Dangerfield's autobiography, It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs (ISBN 0066211077) was published. The book's original title was My Love Affair With Marijuana, a reference to the drug he smoked daily for sixty years.

...(more on Wikipedia)

This article is licensed under the GNU Free Documentation License. It uses material from the Wikipedia article "Rodney Dangerfield".

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