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Other authors named Tommy:
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Author's popularity: 2
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If you like or dislike this author in general or one or more of their quotes in particular, please give us your feedback by clicking on the icon to vote for, or the icon to vote against them.
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Popularity: -1
Vote: | A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.' |
Popularity: 2
Vote: | A policeman stopped me and said: "Would you please blow into this bag, sir?" I said: "What for, officer?" He said: "My chips are too hot." |
Popularity: 0
Vote: | A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.' The doctor says, 'It's old age.' The woman says, 'I want a second opinion.' The doctor says: 'Okay - you're ugly as well.' |
Popularity: 1
Vote: | And the back of his anorak was leaping up and down, and people were chucking money to him. I said, 'Do you earn a living doing that?'. He said, 'Yes, this my livelihood'. |
Popularity: 1
Vote: | I inherited a painting and a violin which turned out to be a Rembrandt and a Stradivarius. Unfortunately, Rembrandt made lousy violins and Stradivarius was a terrible painter. |
Popularity: 3
Vote: | I used to be indecisive but now I am not quite sure. |
Popularity: 1
Vote: | I went into a French restaraunt and asked the waiter, 'Have you got frog's legs?' He said, 'Yes,' so I said, 'Well hop into the kitchen and get me a cheese sandwich.' |
Popularity: 2
Vote: | I went to the dentist. He said "Say Aaah." I said "Why?" He said "My dog's died.' |
Popularity: 2
Vote: | I went window shopping today! I bought four windows. |
Popularity: 1
Vote: | I'm on a whisky diet. I've lost three days already! |
Popularity: 2
Vote: | It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in. |
Popularity: 2
Vote: | Last night I dreamt I ate a ten pound marshmallow. When I woke up the pillow was gone. |
Popularity: 2
Vote: | My wife had a go at me last night. She said, "You'll drive me to my grave." I had the car out in thirty seconds. |
Popularity: 3
Vote: | Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off. |
Popularity: 0
Vote: | So he said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library.' I thought 'That's a turn-up for the books.' |
Popularity: 0
Vote: | So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.' |
Popularity: 1
Vote: | So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it." |
Popularity: -2
Vote: | So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted.' And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said "You've been promoted again. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.' |
Popularity: 2
Vote: | So I went to the Doctor's yesterday. He said, "What appears to be the problem?" I said, "I keep having this dream, night after night, beautiful girls rushing towards me and I keep pushing them away." He said, "How can I help?" I said: "break my arms." |
Popularity: 2
Vote: | Well, my wife and I were married in a toilet - it was a marriage of convenience! |
Popularity: 2
Vote: | You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.' |
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Biography
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Tommy Cooper (March 19, 1922 – April 15, 1984) was a British comedian and magician born in Caerphilly, Wales.
Cooper made an art form of getting magic tricks wrong. He is considered by many to be one of the most inventive and funny British comedians since Charlie Chaplin. It should be noted, however, that despite his purported inability to perform conjuring tricks, he was in reality an accomplished magician and member of the Magic Circle. Famed for his red fez, he had a host of catchphrases such as "Just like that!", "Spoon, jar, jar, spoon!!" and "Whisky, sample, sample, whisky, sample...".
Tommy Cooper took up show business in 1947 after seven years in the Army, and rapidly became a top-liner in variety with his turn as the conjuror whose tricks never succeeded.
On April 15, 1984, Tommy Cooper collapsed in front of millions of television viewers, midway through his act, on the popular ITV1 variety show, Live from Her Majesty's. Most of the audience thought it was part of his act until it became apparent that he was seriously ill. He was pronounced dead on arrival at nearby Charing Cross hospital.
In a 2005 poll The Comedian's Comedian, Cooper was voted the 6th greatest comedy act ever by fellow comedians and comedy insiders.
Quotes *"When I go I want to be on stage I want the audience laughing and everyone happy."
*"You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'"
...(more on Wikipedia)
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This article is licensed under the GNU Free Documentation License. It uses material from the Wikipedia article "Tommy Cooper".
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