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Other authors named Woody:
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Author's popularity: 6
Vote:  
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If you like or dislike this author in general or one or more of their quotes in particular, please give us your feedback by clicking on the icon to vote for, or the icon to vote against them.
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Popularity: 2
Vote: | A ''Bay Area Bisexual'' told me I didn't quite coincide with either of her desires. |
Popularity: 5
Vote: | A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'. |
Popularity: -1
Vote: | And my parents finally realize that I'm kidnapped and they snap into action immediately: They rent out my room. |
Popularity: -2
Vote: | As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on. |
Popularity: -1
Vote: | Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats. |
Popularity: -2
Vote: | Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night. |
Popularity: 4
Vote: | Cloquet hated reality but realized it was still the only place to get a good steak. |
Popularity: -3
Vote: | Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and potatoes, comedy is rather the dessert, a bit like meringue. |
Popularity: -5
Vote: | Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you. |
Popularity: 2
Vote: | Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. |
Popularity: -1
Vote: | Eighty percent of success is showing up. |
Popularity: 0
Vote: | Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it. |
Popularity: 5
Vote: | He was so depressed, he tried to commit suicide by inhaling next to an Armenian. |
Popularity: 3
Vote: | His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy. |
Popularity: 3
Vote: | How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter? |
Popularity: 5
Vote: | I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens. |
Popularity: 5
Vote: | I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose. |
Popularity: 3
Vote: | I am two with nature. |
Popularity: 8
Vote: | I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government. |
Popularity: 6
Vote: | I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear. |
Popularity: 2
Vote: | I don't have to 'freedom-kiss' my wife when what I really want to do is French-kiss her. |
Popularity: -3
Vote: | I don't respond well to mellow, you know what I mean, I-I have a tendency to... if I get too mellow, I-I ripen and then rot. |
Popularity: 2
Vote: | I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib. |
Popularity: 2
Vote: | I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying. |
Popularity: -4
Vote: | I failed to make the chess team because of my height. |
Popularity: 2
Vote: | I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers. |
Popularity: 4
Vote: | I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys. |
Popularity: 1
Vote: | I ran into Isosceles. He had a great idea for a new triangle! |
Popularity: 0
Vote: | I tended to place my wife under a pedestal. |
Popularity: 4
Vote: | I think being funny is not anyone's first choice. |
Popularity: 7
Vote: | I think you should defend to the death their right to march, and then go down and meet them with baseball bats. |
Popularity: 5
Vote: | I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia. |
Popularity: -3
Vote: | I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl to sleep with me and she said 'No.' |
Popularity: 7
Vote: | I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night. |
Popularity: 5
Vote: | I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me. |
Popularity: 0
Vote: | I was thrown out of N.Y.U. my freshman year... for cheating on my metaphysics final. You know, I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me. |
Popularity: 0
Vote: | I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead. |
Popularity: -4
Vote: | I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse. |
Popularity: 6
Vote: | I'd never join a club that would allow a person like me to become a member. |
Popularity: 1
Vote: | I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown. |
Popularity: 2
Vote: | I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens. |
Popularity: 1
Vote: | I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own. |
Popularity: 2
Vote: | I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch. |
Popularity: 3
Vote: | I've never been an intellectual but I have this look. |
Popularity: 1
Vote: | If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever. |
Popularity: 1
Vote: | If my films don't show a profit, I know I'm doing something right. |
Popularity: 2
Vote: | If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job. |
Popularity: 4
Vote: | If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank. |
Popularity: 2
Vote: | If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans. |
Popularity: 0
Vote: | If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative. |
Popularity: -1
Vote: | In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows. |
Popularity: -2
Vote: | In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into TV shows. |
Popularity: 0
Vote: | In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker. |
Popularity: 4
Vote: | Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought - particularly for people who cannot remember where they left things. |
Popularity: 3
Vote: | Is sex dirty? Only if it's done right. |
Popularity: -1
Vote: | It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune. |
Popularity: 3
Vote: | It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off. |
Popularity: 0
Vote: | It is no secret that organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year. This is quite a profitable sum, especially when one considers that the Mafia spends very little for office supplies. |
Popularity: -2
Vote: | It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune. |
Popularity: 3
Vote: | It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens. |
Popularity: 5
Vote: | Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television. |
Popularity: 6
Vote: | Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. |
Popularity: 5
Vote: | Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon. |
Popularity: 6
Vote: | Love is the answer, but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty interesting questions. |
Popularity: 5
Vote: | Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more fun. |
Popularity: 2
Vote: | Marriage is the death of hope. |
Popularity: 4
Vote: | Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons. |
Popularity: 4
Vote: | More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly. |
Popularity: 5
Vote: | More than any time in history mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness, the other to total extinction. Let us pray that we have the wisdom to choose correctly. |
Popularity: 3
Vote: | Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all. |
Popularity: 2
Vote: | My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by a quaker. |
Popularity: -2
Vote: | My one regret in life is that I am not someone else. |
Popularity: 0
Vote: | Nietzsche says that we will live the same life, over and over again. God - I'll have to sit through the Ice Capades again. |
Popularity: -1
Vote: | Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday. |
Popularity: -1
Vote: | Of all the wonders of nature, a tree in summer is perhaps the most remarkable; with the possible exception of a moose singing ''Embraceable You'' in spats. |
Popularity: -2
Vote: | On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down . |
Popularity: 2
Vote: | Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies. |
Popularity: -2
Vote: | Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast. |
Popularity: 3
Vote: | Seventy percent of success in life is showing up. |
Popularity: 5
Vote: | Sex between 2 people is a beautiful thing; between 5 it's fantastic. |
Popularity: 0
Vote: | Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful - provided you get between the right man and the right woman. |
Popularity: 2
Vote: | Sex is like having dinner: sometimes you joke about the dishes, sometimes you take the meal seriously. |
Popularity: 2
Vote: | Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing. |
Popularity: 5
Vote: | Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it's one of the best. |
Popularity: 1
Vote: | She wore a short skirt and a tight sweater and her figure described a set of parabolas that could cause cardiac arrest in a yak. |
Popularity: 5
Vote: | Side Effects Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on the weekend. Woody Allen Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it. |
Popularity: 0
Vote: | Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not in those words. |
Popularity: 2
Vote: | Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness. |
Popularity: 3
Vote: | The baby is fine, the only problem is that he looks like Edward G. Robinson. |
Popularity: 1
Vote: | The chief problem about death, incidentally, is the fear that there may be no afterlife-a depressing thought, particularly for those who have bothered to shave. Also, there is the fear that there is an afterlife but no one will know where it's being held. |
Popularity: 2
Vote: | The curtain rises on a vast primitive wasteland, not unlike certain parts of New jersey. |
Popularity: 7
Vote: | The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you. |
Popularity: 4
Vote: | The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small. |
Popularity: 2
Vote: | The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep. |
Popularity: 0
Vote: | The prison psychiatrist asked me if I thought sex was dirty. I told him only when it's done right. |
Popularity: 5
Vote: | The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what you don't have. |
Popularity: -1
Vote: | The whole country was tied together by radio. We all experienced the same heroes and comedians and singers. They were giants. |
Popularity: 3
Vote: | There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more. |
Popularity: 8
Vote: | There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman? |
Popularity: 1
Vote: | Thought: Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage. |
Popularity: -4
Vote: | Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once. |
Popularity: 1
Vote: | To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition. |
Popularity: 1
Vote: | Tradition is the illusion of permanance. |
Popularity: 5
Vote: | What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet. |
Popularity: -1
Vote: | What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists? |
Popularity: 3
Vote: | When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room. |
Popularity: 4
Vote: | When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back. |
Popularity: 2
Vote: | Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen. |
Popularity: 2
Vote: | Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered? |
Popularity: 3
Vote: | Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage. |
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Biography
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Woody Allen (born December 1, 1935), is an American short story writer, screenwriter, and film director whose large body of important work and cerebral style have made him one of the most widely respected and prolific filmmakers in the modern era. He writes and directs his own movies and has acted in many of them as well. Allen draws heavily on literature, philosophy, European cinema and most importantly, New York City, where he was born and has spent all his life, for much of his inspiration; indeed, his onscreen persona is the quintessential New York Jewish intellectual: neurotic and self-absorbed, cosmopolitan yet insecure, with a self-deprecating sense of humor.
Life and work
Allen was born Allen Stewart Konigsberg in the Bronx, New York, into a Jewish family. His parents Martin and Nettie lived in Flatbush, where he attended a Hebrew school for eight years. After that, he went to Public School 99 and then to Midwood High, where "Red" (as he was called because of his hair) impressed students with his extraordinary talent at cards and magic tricks. To raise money, he began writing gags for the agent David O. Alber, who sold them to newspaper columnists. Reportedly, Allen's first published joke was "I am two with Nature." At sixteen, he started writing for show stars like Sid Caesar and began calling himself Woody Allen. He was a gifted comedian from an early stage.
After high school, he went to New York University where he studied communication and film but, never much of a student, he soon dropped out due to poor grades (he would later joke he was expelled for cheating on the metaphysics final: "I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me."). He also briefly attended City College of New York after that. At nineteen, he married Harlene Rosen, a philosophy student, and started writing scripts for The Ed Sullivan Show, The Tonight Show and others. In 1957, he won his first Emmy Award; about the same time, he divorced Harlene.
He started writing prose and plays, and in 1960, started a new career as a stand-up comedian and also began writing for the popular Candid Camera television show, even appearing in some episodes. Together with his managers he turned his weaknesses into his strengths and developed the neurotic, nervous, and shy figure famous from his later movies. He soon became an immensely popular comedian and appeared frequently in nightclubs and on television.
His first movie production was What's New, Pussycat? in 1965, for which he wrote the screenplay. It was a largely unpleasant experience for Allen as he was trapped in Paris for six months during the production. Furthermore, the studio never showed much respect for his script, altering the film to the point where it bore little resemblance to Allen's original vision. Allen's first directorial effort was What's Up, Tiger Lily? (1966), in which an existing Japanese spy movie was redubbed in English by Allen and his friends with completely new, comic dialogue. In 1967, he also appeared in the offbeat James Bond film, Casino Royale. His first conventional directing effort was Take The Money and Run (1969), which was followed by Bananas, Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Sex, Sleeper, and Love and Death. All of Allen's early films are pure comedies that relied heavily on slapstick, inventive sight gags, and non-stop one-liners. Among the many notable influences on these films are Bob Hope and Groucho Marx.
In 1976, he starred in, but did not direct, The Front, a serious look at Hollywood blacklisting during the 1950s. He returned to directing in 1977's Annie Hall, a modern classic that marked a major turn away to more sophisticated humor and thoughtful drama (the movie won four Academy Awards, including Best Picture, Best Director, and Best Actress). The film set the standard for modern romantic comedy and also started a fashion trend with the unique dress worn by Diane Keaton in the film. He also directed the serious drama Interiors, in the manner of the great Swedish director, Ingmar Bergman, one of Allen's major influences. His most successful movies were produced in a ten year period starting with Annie Hall; other critical and financial successes were Manhattan, The Purple Rose of Cairo ( named by Time Magazine as one of the 100 best films of all time) and Hannah and Her Sisters (Winner of three Academy Awards).
Allen won the 1978 O. Henry Award for his short story "The Kugelmass Episode" published in The New Yorker on May 2, 1977.
Most of his 1980s films, even the comedies, have somber and philosophical undertone. Many of them like September and "Stardust Memories" are often said to be heavily influenced by the works of European directors, most notably Ingmar Bergman and Federico Fellini. Allen twice won the César Award for Best Foreign Film, the first in 1980 for Manhattan and the second in 1986 for The Purple Rose of Cairo. He is also the most frequently nominated person in the Academy Award catagory of Best Originial Screenplay, with a stunning total of 13 nominations. In addition to that, he has also been nominated many times in the catagory of Best Director, and his actors are also among the most frequently nominated people in their respective catagories.
His 1992 film Shadows and Fog is an homage to Fritz Lang, G.W. Pabst and F.W. Murnau, and the German expressionists.
In the late 1990s he returned to lighter movies: Everyone Says I Love You, Mighty Aphrodite and others.
In 1992, his personal life became very public, when he left his long-term partner Mia Farrow after she discovered his secret affair with her adopted daughter Soon-Yi Previn. Farrow accused him of being a pedophile (Previn is 35 years his junior) and of abusing their seven-year-old daughter Dylan- a charge that was later dismissed. These events eerily echoed the plotline of his film released at the time, Husbands and Wives. In that film, Woody and Mia play a couple whose decade-long relationship is falling apart, with Woody's character becoming attracted to one of his 20-year-old students. Farrow discusses the events in What Falls Away: A Memoir, ISBN 0385471874.
Allen and Previn married in 1997, and later adopted two daughters, naming both (Bechet Allen and Manzie Tio Allen) after jazz musicians (Sidney Bechet and Manzie Johnson).
Woody Allen continues to produce an average of one film a year. Small Time Crooks (2000), his first film with DreamWorks SKG studio, was a modest success, grossing over ten million dollars. Allen's films tend to be more popular in Europe, particularly France- a country where he has a large fan base; in fact, he himself has said that he "survives" on the European market. In any case, he is widely respected and admired as a major filmmaker and he attracts diverse and talented actors for his films, including Diane Keaton, Julia Roberts, Sean Penn, Michael Caine, John Cusack, Anjelica Houston, Alan Alda, Judy Davis, Stockard Channing, Helen Hunt, Téa Leoni, Christina Ricci, Chloë Sevigny, Wallace Shawn, and David Ogden Stiers. He continues to write roles for the neurotic persona he created in the 1960s and 1970s. However, as Allen gets older, the roles have been assumed by other actors such as John Cusack (Bullets Over Broadway), Kenneth Branagh (Celebrity), Jason Biggs (Anything Else), and Will Ferrell (Melinda and Melinda).
In 2002 Woody made a surprise appearance- his first ever- at the Academy Awards ceremony. It was part of a tribute to New York after the 9/11 terrorist attacks.
Allen is also a talented clarinetist who has been performing publicly at least since the late 1960s. He makes regular New York appearances with a band specializing in early twentieth century and New Orleans jazz. The documentary film Wild Man Blues (directed by Barbara Kopple) documents a European tour by Allen and band, as well as his relationship with Soon Yi.
In a 2005 poll The Comedian's Comedian, Allen was voted the third greatest comedy act ever by fellow comedians and comedy insiders.
His latest film, Match Point, starring Scarlett Johansson, debuted at the 2005 Cannes Film Festival. Match Point is set in London.
...(more on Wikipedia)
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This article is licensed under the GNU Free Documentation License. It uses material from the Wikipedia article "Woody Allen".
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